Resources

Question My husband is showing no initiative to find a job. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. I love my husband with all my heart, and I just want to resolve this problem. Answer It’s confusing and frustrating when you try to be faithful, you try to do what is right, and nothing changes. It’s understandable that you are tired, weary and losing respect for him. He has probably lost a lot of respect for himself. You don’t want to “mother” your husband but in some wa

Question I grew up with a dad that was physically and emotionally absent. We have two young sons and I want to be the kind of father that will help them become Godly men. Do you have any specific suggestions? Answer First of all, never underestimate the importance of just being there. Numerous studies tell us that children with fathers present: Get along better with their peers Display more social confidence Adapt to change more easily Demonstrate better thinking ability Ha

Question I often have dreams about being unfaithful to my husband. They usually involve a faceless “mystery man” who’s perfect in every way. He’s kind, loving, gentle, and attentive to my feelings and needs. I haven’t told my husband about the dreams. How can I? Should I? Please help. Answer We can’t control what we dream, but we can control what we do about our dreams. Several years ago, a friend jokingly gave me a book with 10,000 different dream interpretations. Whenever I

Question My wife and I attend separate churches. She attends the church from her childhood where most of her friends and her sister and mother are members. While that church is fine, I find it’s not my worship style and I prefer the church I attend. Hers is more contemporary, while mine is more liturgical. Is it wrong for us not to go to the same church? Answer We’ve discovered in our own marriage and in the marriages of hundreds of couples that we’ve worked with that one of

Question We gather for a “family prayer time” every week but sometimes it seems like something we “do” rather than something that is having a meaningful impact. Do you have any suggestions for making prayer a more integral part of our family life? Answer Prayer–Its so much easier to talk about it than to do it. I congratulate you on going beyond being “hearers” or “repeaters” of the word to being “doers” by making regular time to make prayer a part of who you are as a famil

Question My husband and I argue frequently. But lately, he's begun to shove me. I'm having trouble drawing a line between what's acceptable and what isn't. Am I overreacting? Answer As we travel across the country, we meet many couples who struggle with disagreements that produce increased frustration that turns to anger and leads to arguments. Most couples don’t understand the emotion of anger and haven’t learned healthy ways to express their anger. In an intimate relationsh

Question My husband and I divorced a little more than a year ago. The kids live with me and visit their dad (and his new wife of three months) every other weekend; and their dad makes an effort to be a part of their lives. Our 8-year-old daughter seems to adjusting OK, but our 10-year-old son is like a new person. Once fun-loving, he's withdrawn and quiet now. I thought this would just be a phase for him, but he doesn't seem to be coming out of it. How can I help my son? Answ

Question I’ve been married two years and during that entire time, my husband’s sister has lived with us. She moved in to finish her college degree and is now looking for a job, but seems content to stay in our home. I love my sister-in-law –and I’d love to see her get her own place. My husband and I have no intimacy or privacy. She has no social life, so she’s always around. What can I do? Answer It’s admirable for a couple to open their home to someone in need, especially if

Question My spouse recently told me that I’m overly negative, critical and discouraging parent. I know that it’s easier for me to criticize than to compliment. How can I become a more encouraging parent? Answer When I was a little boy I spent many a Saturday morning watching cowboy shows where I remember hearing Roy Rogers sing “Home on the Range.” Do you remember the words to the chorus that says “Where seldom is heard a discouraging word?” Unfortunately, many of our home

Question We were prepared for the birth of our first child but now, a year later, we realize that we weren’t prepared for all of the adjustments we would have to make and how it would negatively impact our marriage. Is this normal? What can we do to nurture our son and our marriage? Answer One of the best ways you can nurture your son is to nurture your marriage. Couples spend a lot of time and money preparing for the arrival of the baby and virtually no time preparing for

Question My wife and I are really struggling with our marriage and we’re just about ready to call it quits. We’re both Christians and we know God hates divorce. But what about separation? Is there ever a time when separation is okay or even a good idea? Answer First, ask yourself what you want to accomplish by separating. Think of your children and extended family. How will they be affected? Don’t kid yourself that a separation will help you really work on your marriage. Rese

Question My husband is having an affair with a co-worker. At first, he was going to leave and now he told me he wants to stay and that he loves me and the children. What should I do? Answer From the way you worded your question, it sounds like your husband is still having the affair. If that’s the case, there are only two viable options. He can either choose to stop having the affair and deal with the situation in a Biblically-consistent way or he can leave. No negotiation. N

Question I’ve gone to seminars, listened to tapes and read books on how to be an effective parent. Most of the time I do a great job. But when I lose it and start dumping on the kids, I feel like all of the good I’ve accomplished has been undone. It’s so discouraging. Answer Read through the following statements: “How many times have I told you not to interrupt when I’m on the phone?” “Christopher, I’m sick and tired of you leaving a mess all over the house. This may be hard

Question I’m married to the most loving, giving, and understanding man I’ve ever met. I love him dearly; however, I'm not in love with him. I don’t feel physical attraction or passion toward him. I'm not proud to say I was in a sexual relationship before my husband and I met. While that relationship was physically satisfying, he wasn’t a practicing Christian and not committed to me. Now I find myself fantasizing about my previous relationship. I don’t want to destroy my famil

Question My wife and I have been married three years, and we live a couple hundred miles from our parents. She talks to her mom every day on the phone, and when we visit her parents, it’s as if I don’t even exist—she and her mom go off in their own little clique. Is this a normal woman thing, or am I too defensive? Answer Based on the clear teaching of scripture as well as the results of relationship research we know that one of the essential ingredients to a healthy marriage

Question I'm a mother of two young adult sons, 21 and 19. Nobody warned me how tough it would be to be a parent to young adults. They want you and then they don't, it's SO hard to know how to be involved in their lives. My one concern is with my eldest, he has a wonderful heart for the Lord and music and has done a few summers of ministry work while in his teens, as well as the leader of his youth group at our church. But his normal tendency is to be lazy. Right now he's ju

Question My husband and I haven't done the greatest job in being consistent in how we discipline our 4-year-old son. Now that we have another child (22 months old), I can see that we've created a problem. Is it too late to start over with our son — and do you have any tips for how we can do it better this time? Answer The good news is that it isn’t too late to “start over” with your son. The bad news is that he probably isn’t going to like it so it will be important for you