Resources

Apr 1, 2021
3 min

Crushing Expectations

Question Our 14-year-old son is obsessed with being the best and can be devastated by even small mistakes and setbacks which often lead him to quit. We fear that if we can't help him with this now, it will just become worse as he gets older. Any ideas? Answer Young people face tremendous external pressures to be the best, to be all that they can be which often gets translated into having to be better than everyone else. In the athletic world being number two means that you

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Gary Oliver

Feb 1, 2021
3 min

Bible Study with Teens

Question We have two early-teen and pre-teen daughters and whenever we try to initiate a bible study they show NO interest. We want to help them discover the relevance of God’s word concerning both personal and social issues in their lives, but are having a difficult time get them to respond. What have other parents found helpful? Answer The problem isn’t just one that parents have with kids. Some study’s suggest that less than 5% of adult believers read it on a daily basi

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Gary Oliver

Jan 1, 2021
2 min

Temper Tantrums Again

Question With all of the changes, interruptions and instability our son and daughter have experienced over the past several months, they’ve struggled a lot more with uncharacteristic outbursts of anger that sound a lot like the temper tantrums when they were young. Other parents in our home group have noticed similar problems. Any suggestions? Answer Whenever you are faced with someone who is expressing anger the healthiest first response is to STOP or pause, LOOK & LISTEN,

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Gary Oliver

Jun 12, 2019
3 min

Effective Parenting

Questions In the past year I have read several books on parenting. Each was written from a sound Biblical perspective with helpful suggestions on how to parent more effectively. I love each one of my children and want to be the best mother I can be, but at times the task seems overwhelming and I am not sure where to start. Do you have any suggestions? Answer We’re not surprised that there are times when you find the job of parenting to be overwhelming. At times it is overwhel

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Gary Oliver

Apr 12, 2019
2 min

How To Forgive Hurt

Question Our teenage son was rejected by several of his friends and his hurt has turned into a bitterness and hatred that concerns us. We’ve encouraged him to forgive them and move on but he says he can’t. How can we help him? Answer No matter how old we are it’s easy for rejection to produce hurt which can easily turn into bitterness, resentment, and anger. The more we focus on how we were wronged the worse it gets and the harder it is to let go of it. Paula Reinhardt des

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Gary Oliver

Feb 23, 2019
2 min

Saying Sorry

Question Our 14-year-old daughter is a precious young lady with many strengths. Unfortunately, she isn’t very good at taking responsibility for things she says and does that wound others. It’s always “their” problem. How can we help her learn the value of a sincere “I’m sorry”? Answer “I’m sorry” are two small words that some people find almost impossible to say. Then there are others who say “sorry” all the time but don’t really mean it. What does “I’m sorry” mean? Bum

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Gary Oliver

Oct 11, 2018
2 min

How to Parent When Angry

Question As my kids have become teenagers our whole family has noticed that when one of the kids disobeys or mouths off I increasingly “lose it” and react with anger and sarcasm. I’m not proud of that and need to make some changes. Any suggestions? Answer At the outset it’s essential that you gain a better understanding of the emotion of anger. Anger is the most powerful and the second most frequently mentioned emotion in the Bible and the majority of biblical references t

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Gary Oliver

Sep 23, 2018
2 min

Talking Finances with The Kids

Question Due to a job loss and other factors we’re faced with some significant financial challenges and we’re going to have to make some major changes in our standard of living. How can we talk to our kids about our financial situation? Answer God’s word has a lot to say about money, but unfortunately this is one topic that few parents discuss with their kids. Most parents don’t know where to start, what to say or what not to say, so we just say nothing . . .until there is

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Gary Oliver

Jul 11, 2018
3 min

Connection with Children

Question When I was a kid, I didn’t have a good relationship with my mother. She was a cold and distant disciplinarian, and I didn’t feel like I could talk to her about anything. Now that I’m a mom of two kids, I don’t want to be like that. I want to be more of a friend to my kids than my mom was to me. How can I enforce the rules and still be a “cool” mom? Answer We commend your desire to be a great mom. It’s a joy to see moms and dads who take parenting seriously. You w

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Gary Oliver

Apr 11, 2018
2 min

Parenting Teens & the Privacy Issue

Question We have an adolescent son and daughter, and at times it seems like we can’t ask them even a simple question without them protesting that “You don’t trust me.” How can we communicate trust and respect for their privacy while still being loving and responsible parents? Answer Just as there are seasons in life, there are seasons in our relationships with our kids, and adolescence can be one of the most challenging seasons most parents will ever face. The developmental

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Gary Oliver

Feb 12, 2018
2 min

Sibling Discord

Question We have a 12-year-old daughter who is a good child but who can be very unkind and unloving to her siblings. She doesn’t like it when they are unkind to her and says she’s sorry but there is no change in her behavior. Is there a way we can help her become changed and not just behaving different? Answer One of the most important tasks of a parent is to, in the words of James 1:22-23, help our kids to not merely be hearers of the word but to be doers of the word. To

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Gary Oliver

Nov 23, 2017
2 min

Modeling Your Faith For Your Teens

Question My wife and I are alarmed by the reports we’ve heard of the number of teenagers raised in the church but who abandon their faith after high school. Should we be concerned and what can we do as parents to make sure this doesn’t happen to our children? Answer Parents have good reasons to be alarmed. A recent Barna Group and USA Today study found that nearly 75% of Christian young people leave the church after high school. As I prayed about how to best answer your que

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Gary Oliver

Sep 12, 2017
2 min

Fear of Failure

Question Our 17-year-old son is obsessed with a fear of failure. So much so that he is withdrawing from normal activities and afraid to try new things. How can we help him? Answer No parent wants to see their child overwhelmed by the shame and embarrassment of failure. We want our kids to be successful. So with good intentions many parents do homework and class projects for their kids, and make decision for them and “protect” them so that they can “succeed” in life. The t

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Gary Oliver

Feb 23, 2017
2 min

Leaving a Legacy for Your Children

Question I grew up in a negative home where it seems like nothing I ever did was quite good enough. Love was expressed in the form of criticism and it’s impacted who I am as a person and a parent. What can I do to make sure I don’t leave that legacy for my kids? Answer If someone were to give you a nickname that characterizes your temperament or some outstanding aspect of your personality what would it be? Sunshine? Grumpy? Happy? In Acts 4:36 we’re introduced to Joseph,

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Gary Oliver

Dec 23, 2016
3 min

Developing A Healthy Body Image

Question I’m concerned that my daughter has a negative body image and that it’s having a negative impact on her relationships and her school performance. How can I know of that’s a problem and if so how can I help her build a positive body image? Answer If you daughter is often critical about specific parts of her body (i.e. my hips are too big, my nose is funny, my hair never looks right), if she wears baggy, concealing clothing, if she avoids dressing for gym because she d

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Gary Oliver

Aug 11, 2016
2 min

Cultivating a Lifestyle of Faith

Question We have three teenage children and are looking for some specific ways we can help them go beyond knowing the core doctrines and the do’s and don’ts of our faith to cultivating a “lifestyle faith” that impacts all of who they are. Answer What you’re really asking is how can you build on your children’s “head” knowledge and help them cultivate a “heart knowledge.” In Ephesians 3:19, when Paul writes, “. . . and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge,” he

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Gary Oliver

Jul 24, 2016
3 min

Teaching Children to Lose with Grace

Question Our child is a bad loser and will often throw a temper tantrum and throw things around his room. How can we help him become a better sport? Answer The Denver Broncos had lost four Super Bowls by a combined score of 163-50, four very bad losses, before finally winning Super Bowls XXXII and XXXIII. During the “losing” seasons they were better than every other team in the entire NFL except for one, yet they were called “losers.” Once they won their first Super Bowl t

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Gary Oliver

Apr 24, 2016
3 min

Parenting through Failure

Question My 7-year-old daughter is a perfectionist. She can't seem to have fun because she gets frustrated when things aren't like she wants them to be. For example, she wanted to build a fort in our back yard, but because she couldn't find trees spaced out perfectly together in our yard, she just gave up and didn't pursue it. I fear that if we can't help her with this now, it will just become worse when she's an adult. Any ideas? Answer You are wise to want to catch this ear

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Gary Oliver

Nov 11, 2015
2 min

Unequal Parenting

Question I am a Christian, but my husband is not. We don’t see eye to eye about parenting issues, which makes it difficult to be a team in raising our 6-year-old son. My husband also displays behavior around our son that I disagree with. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t see a problem. How can I raise my son to be a godly young man in spite of all this? Answer That’s a great question. When it comes to raising sons, a dad’s role is significant because, in essence, boys

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Gary Oliver

Sep 24, 2015
2 min

Parenting Children to be Christian Adults

Question We’ve read research and seen real-life examples with some of our friends regarding the high number of kids raised in a Christian home who leave their faith after high school. How serious is this? Should we be concerned? What can parents do? Answer The bad news is that you have good reasons to be concerned. Numerous studies over the past 15 years have found that between 75% to 88% of Christian young people leave the church after high school. The good news is that t

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