Resources

Question I grew up with a dad that was physically and emotionally absent. We have two young sons and I want to be the kind of father that will help them become Godly men. Do you have any specific suggestions? Answer First of all, never underestimate the importance of just being there. Numerous studies tell us that children with fathers present: Get along better with their peers Display more social confidence Adapt to change more easily Demonstrate better thinking ability Ha

Question Recently, my husband decided to leave our church because he said he doesn’t feel spiritually led there anymore. I see this as a division in our family because I haven’t heard God tell me to leave our church and go with my husband. I like our church and don’t want to leave. Any advice? Answer Given our gender, personality type, and background differences, the issue of what church to attend can become complex and lead to disagreement. One of the many things we’ve learn

Question I recently married a widow who has 8 and 10-year-old daughters. My wife has acknowledged that because of their fathers’ death and her need to work two jobs, many of their well-meaning relatives have spoiled them. How can I most effectively build trust as we seek to establish this “new” family together? Answer In a national survey, dealing with children was the most common argument starter in second marriages. If you and your wife had good premarital counseling the

Question Our 14-year-old daughter is a precious young lady with many strengths. Unfortunately, she isn’t very good at taking responsibility for things she says and does that wound others. It’s always “their” problem. How can we help her learn the value of a sincere “I’m sorry”? Answer “I’m sorry” are two small words that some people find almost impossible to say. Then there are others who say “sorry” all the time but don’t really mean it. What does “I’m sorry” mean? Bum

Question My wife and I attend separate churches. She attends the church from her childhood where most of her friends and her sister and mother are members. While that church is fine, I find it’s not my worship style and I prefer the church I attend. Hers is more contemporary, while mine is more liturgical. Is it wrong for us not to go to the same church? Answer We’ve discovered in our own marriage and in the marriages of hundreds of couples that we’ve worked with that one of

Question We gather for a “family prayer time” every week but sometimes it seems like something we “do” rather than something that is having a meaningful impact. Do you have any suggestions for making prayer a more integral part of our family life? Answer Prayer–Its so much easier to talk about it than to do it. I congratulate you on going beyond being “hearers” or “repeaters” of the word to being “doers” by making regular time to make prayer a part of who you are as a famil

Question Due to a job loss and other factors we’re faced with some significant financial challenges and we’re going to have to make some major changes in our standard of living. How can we talk to our kids about our financial situation? Answer God’s word has a lot to say about money, but unfortunately this is one topic that few parents discuss with their kids.  Most parents don’t know where to start, what to say or what not to say, so we just say nothing . . .until there is

Question My kids (ages 5 and 7) love their grandparents, and my husband and I want to help foster that relationship. The problem is my parents won't help enforce our rules. How can we address this with my parents? Answer This is such a common problem that by now you’d think there would be some pat solutions. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Given the unique personalities, values, and background of every couple and every multigenerational family system and the wide variety

Question I often overhear my two daughters criticizing other people. I think they're picking it up from other kids at school, but I want them to see the positive instead of the negative in other people. Any suggestions? Answer According to Webster’s dictionary being critical can mean anything from “inclined to criticize severely and unfavorably” to “exercising or involving careful judgment or judicious evaluation.” The word criticism has a wide range of meanings from someth

Question We have caught our 13-year-old daughter wearing clothing that is entirely inappropriate, especially for her age. When she leaves home, she looks fine so evidently she is changing after she leaves. What can I do? Answer There are several issues here and the first question is which issue do you focus on? Do you focus on her dishonesty, disobedience, deceit and/or deception? Each one needs to be addressed at some point and there needs to be consequences but where do y

Question My wife and I have problems agreeing on many things. We seem to hold on strongly to our parent’s view. What can we do to start agreeing? For example, even though my wife is really ready to have kids, I don’t want to have children yet because we disagree on child rearing and financial responsibilities. She wants to have the authority to discipline our children without having to call me at work first. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have her call me before discip

Question My wife and I have nothing in common. We’ve been married nine years, and I find myself wondering what it would be like if I were married to a woman who likes the same things I do. It irritates me that we can’t do anything together. What should I do? Answer Come on, are you serious? You have absolutely nothing in common? You can’t do anything together? It sounds like you’ve fallen into the all-or-nothing trap that’s easy for us to slip into when we’re focused just on

Question I'm newly married and have a lot of interests that don’t include my husband, but I always have to negotiate to get to do them. I know marriage means sacrifice—but sacrificing everything? I feel as if he wants me to give up all the things I enjoy! How can I do the things I love without feeling guilty or without starting a major war? Answer One of the most common mistakes many of us make is to incorrectly interpret what our partner doesn’t say and then function as if t

Question My husband and I are having difficulty getting pregnant. He had to go for a “swimmers” test today. They put him in a room with a TV, videos, and magazines. The videos were all “lesbian action,” as he put it. The magazines were the usual porn junk. But we’re both wondering what the church’s take on this is. Should I have gone with him to “help,” so it wouldn’t be masturbation? Should my husband think only of me when “giving his sample?” And are those realistic solutio

Question Before we were married, my wife had a lot of guy friends. Now that we’re married, she wants to keep her friends and sees no problem going out for lunch with them or meeting them for coffee to “catch up.” I'm uncomfortable with this. Am I wrong or is it okay to have close friends of the opposite sex when you’re married? Answer It’s okay and even valuable to have opposite-sex friends. Yet there are several reasons why it’s both unwise and dangerous to spend one-on-one

Question We have three teenage children and are looking for some specific ways we can help them go beyond knowing the core doctrines and the do’s and don’ts of our faith to cultivating a “lifestyle faith” that impacts all of who they are. Answer What you’re really asking is how can you build on your children’s “head” knowledge and help them cultivate a “heart knowledge.” In Ephesians 3:19, when Paul writes, “. . . and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge,” he

Question My wife and I are very concerned with some of the music our son listens to. What's the best way for us to talk with him about it — do we just ignore it, forbid it or what? Answer You have good reasons to be concerned.  There are many artists today whose lyrics are so disgusting, obscene, violent, and in some cases demonic that they have to put warning labels on them. When dealing with teenagers it’s always important to try to understand them.  Proverbs has a lot to

Question I am a Christian, but my husband is not. We don’t see eye to eye about parenting issues, which makes it difficult to be a team in raising our 6-year-old son. My husband also displays behavior around our son that I disagree with. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t see a problem. How can I raise my son to be a godly young man in spite of all this? Answer That’s a great question. When it comes to raising sons, a dad’s role is significant because, in essence, boys

Question We have three young children ages 6, 9 and 11. We want to do whatever we can to make sure that these great relationships we now enjoy will carry over into their adolescence. Any suggestions? Answer Yes.  Pray.  Pray long, pray hard, and pray faithfully.  Pray with your kids and for your kids.  Enlist your family and friends to pray for you and for them.  Pray without ceasing.  Prayer has an amazing way of helping us keep things in perspective and sometimes childre

Question Our kids’ friends seem to have seen every PG-13 movie release and every show on prime time television. Our family holds strict standards for what constitutes appropriate viewing for Christian families. How do we stick to our guns when it seems no one else does? Answer The Bible has a lot to say about purity, righteousness and holiness. In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ said that blessed are the “pure in heart” and those who “hunger and thirst after righteousness.”