Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the restless anticipation which goes along with going out on a first date using a guy. When it’s someone or a blind date you are already acquainted with, the very first meeting using a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more generally a mixture of nervousness and excitement. “Will I enjoy him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What will I talk about? Imagine if I run out of things to say?”
Even though it’s transforming, we gay men have few role models to emulate in regards to love and romance. There is no template to follow and we were never taught the way to flirt with and date other guys. There are no construction, no rules, and no guidance. How do two guys join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for homosexual relationship may be a positive thing, adding to more creativity, spontaneity, and individualism, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in the best way to match and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.
This informative article will offer some hints on how to approach your first date with that blessed guy you have picked to get to know in sequence of that date’s event. While these are by no means “rules”, these notions can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose those that appear right for you and produce your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who follows his own values and lives with integrity.
–When placing a time and place for your date, make sure you make it a short assembly (1-2 hours) for the first time and choose a place that’s either activity-oriented or allows for tons of chance to talk. Avert pictures and instead opt for a short get together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a great deal of the pressure off, especially should you locate the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You always have the option to extend the date if you are getting along famously.
–Choose the emphasis off of it being a date and view it as an opportunity to meet with a potential new buddy. This can help “take the edge off” and permit you to relax without focusing on the results of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and anticipations on the encounter; let it evolve and then that’s an extra plus, if a spark ignites during your time together!
–If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get focused. In case you are worried about what to talk about, create a list of potential thoughts ahead and role play using a friend to build self-confidence. However do not rely on this or you will appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This really is not about performance.
–Dress in garments which makes you feel great about yourself and comfortably. Make sure you as well as your date are on the same page about the fashion of dress for your date. In my own personal relationship days, I showed up for another date in jeans and a nice oxford shirt to subsequently locate my other half dressed to the nines in a suit that was French not understanding his goals for the evening. It made for a very humiliating moment and he cancelled the reservations he had made for us at a ritzy, fine dining establishment for dinner. He afterward changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant. Ouch! His image of me forthwith shifted and he quit seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by stopping things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.
During the Date
No matter how brought you might be to the guy sitting across from you, it’s your responsibility to be yourself– avoid trying to put a facade up and be someone you are not to try to impress your date. You’re excellent just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re participating in a kind of deception that can only return to bite you later. Be genuine and eventually you will be rewarded with a really compatible partner.
–Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and also don’t let those eyes wander if there are other attractive men in the room. Remain out of your own head and shut off those distracting ideas; really listen to what he is saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more regarding your date. This is particularly effective in the event you’re feeling shy or are short on things for the reason that it gets the other man discussing more, allowing for more tidbits you can start other dialogues about to say. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.
It’s possible for you to ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this stay away from sexual content and innuendo, and may change your conduct. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate way. After you have been able to confirm more of a genuine, mature link discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later.
After the Date
–Whether your date was a a calamity or a smash hit, exercise good manners and thank your new friend for the date. In case youwant to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Do not get caught up in the whole dating match of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” Take control of your own life if you like him and make that call. If you did not feel a “love connection” with the man, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this could be extremely tough, it is always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, civilized way. Indicate that if you’d like to try to create a camaraderie instead. But be honest and direct and do not tell him you’ll call him if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s unkind.
–Do some debriefing after your date and reflect on your date’s, in addition to your conduct, and possibly journal about the encounter. How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have altered? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as an effect of this date? How would you rate the man you met and the date? From what you could tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up far with desires, your needs, goals, and principles?
Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, especially with the absence of relationship schooling available to us as gay men. What roles and conventions that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any?
Take a light strategy and the key is to have fun with relationship. Dating is both an art and also a science in my belief, combining common sense decision making with self awareness of what one wants and desires for a fulfilling and joyful lifestyle. You’ll be living with integrity and will have the ability to approach all your dates with a more comfortable tone and confident demeanor, when your dating behaviour is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship. It will make the process far more easy going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!